Biology in Kingdom High School
by Some Random Tosser
Summary: While Sora and Riku are waiting for their next adventure, they are filling in time with some schoolwork. As you may imagine, this is not exactly exciting for Sora as he much prefers to be out and about rather than remain confined in a classroom learning Pythagoras' Theorem. However, today's biology class may just make him thankful for the mundanity...


**Have to say, I never saw myself making this.**

**You see, I got some homework the previous week in my Professional and Creative Writing class to write a short piece of fanfiction. Of course, around about 1500 words qualifies as a short story but it turns out my tutor was asking for a few sentences. I don't even know how much a few is but, basically, I spent about four hours writing this up and I thought "Eh, why not post it if you're not gonna submit it?" It's not like I'm making much progress with Hyperdimension Neptunia is Real! and I kind of need to get SOMETHING out there.**

**So I hope you can all endure this: a poor little one-shot of a Kingdom Hearts High School AU. Or maybe it's CU (Canon Universe). Whatever floats your boat.  
**

* * *

Sora looked out the window to his left. As he saw the rain water rise high enough to make it impossible to see the markings on the roads, he decided to count his blessings and be thankful for being inside. Granted, he was at high school preparing for his next biology class but it was better than being out in the rain. Especially _that_ rain.

He turned to his right. "So who's our substitute again?" he asked his lab partner, Riku.

The silver-haired teenager shrugged. "No idea. He's apparently a nutcase, though. I think his name was Doctor Nefarious?"

"Eesh. I hope he's nicer than he sounds."

Just then, the door was kicked open like fate herself had punched Sora's hopes in the stomach with knuckles of used syringes. All of the students jumped and froze as the most bizarre person ever to walk the school grounds strode over to the teacher's desk. Actually, the person was, in fact, not a person; it was a robot. It was dark blue with a tall and lanky body not unlike that of a skeleton's and, just to make it creepier, it had a very long head with a green glass cranium housing pieces of moving machinery. To make matters worse, the robot had glowing red eyes and forearm and shin plates as well as silver claws. He was almost creepier than the average science teacher.

Walking behind the robot was another robot, this one shorter, rounder and grey. This one seemed to wear a suit and it carried a square pad in its left three-fingered hand. Its eyes were partly shut as if it were trying to just fall asleep against nature's rule saying that robots couldn't sleep.

"Listen up, squishies!" the first robot addressed the human students. "I am Doctor Nefarious and I am filling in for... I can't even remember his name but I will be your professor today!"

"We couldn't pass up on the pay, you see," explained the robot butler.

From the back, Selphie raised her arm. The poor girl's arm was shaking so badly that the rattling could be heard all around the room. "Um, Mister Nefarious—"

"_DOCTOR _Nefarious!" shouted the android as it threw a piece of chalk at Selphie's head. Unfortunately for him, the chalk missed completely and shot through the wall between her and an adjacent student instead. They were no less terrified but the required physical facilities for processing fear were still intact so that was sort of a plus. "I am a menace to the galaxies beyond squishy measure! When planets hear my name, they cry enough tears to flood the planet and drown in their misery! _I am the supervillain Doctor Nefarious!_ I have _EARNED_ my title as Doctor!"

"Indeed you have, sir," remarked the butler with a low, tired voice. "I have never before seen a man so fervent to win an online auction for a diploma."

"_Shut up, Lawrence!_" Doctor Nefarious shouted into the other robot's face as he jumped in the air. "I'm trying to make a good first impression!"

"I see, sir. Forgive me. It was hard to notice."

Riku glanced at the brunette boy to his left. "Sora, is your Keyblade ready?" he whispered.

"Only a thought away," Sora whispered back. "Yours?"

"Ready as it'll ever—"

"_NO WHISPERING IN MY CLASS!_" Nefarious shouted while throwing a blackboard duster at the boys' heads. Thanks to their quick reflexes, they ducked under the speeding projectile, leaving it to crash out the window. A moment passed before another crash was heard, followed by a car alarm. "Now, your previous professor left some instructions for you lot! Apparently, you're all supposed to dissect a frog today with your partners. _DOES ANYBODY NOT HAVE A FROG?!_"

His teeth clattering, the normally spirited Tidus still had the bravery to raise his hand. "Y-You're supposed to hand them out—"

"_NO TALKING BACK!_" roared Nefarious. Having run out of objects to throw that would cause sufficient damage, the robot settled on thrusting his index finger out quickly.

"Eep!" Tidus yelped and jumped back.

"Sir, perhaps we should provide the students with their samples," Lawrence reasoned.

"Oh, fine!" grumbled Nefarious. "I am going to leave the room and get the frogs! Lawrence, stay here and watch them! If they even so much as move an inch, _OBLITERATE THEM!_"

With his final order, Nefarious left the room and slammed the door shut behind him. None of the students dared to move.

Lawrence sighed. "It's okay. Feel free to move about. I won't tell a soul. At least, not his."

None of the students dared to risk moving.

"... If nothing else, at least get your trays and utensils out."

* * *

"Okay!" shouted Nefarious as he kicked the door open again and walked in, carrying a pile of dead frogs in his arms. Some of the frogs were slightly charred and a couple more were glowing. At the same time, Nefarious' green skull had a thin scratch across it that wasn't there before as far as anyone could remember. "Apparently, your real professor didn't tell the staff I was substituting for him today! No matter! That delay has been dealt with! Now, _COME AND GET YOUR FROGS!_"

For the first time in the history of Kingdom High, there wasn't a single complaint uttered, whined or mumbled as they collected their frogs in what truly was record time.

"Good! Now, your task for the day... Hold on." Doctor Nefarious picked up a sheet of paper from the teacher's desk and looked at it. "Ah! In your teams, one of you is to dissect the frog and the other is to write down the different parts you observe and take notes on how they look! For the record, anyone who decides to squeal at the frog's digestive tract will fail and be _ANNIHILATED IMMEDIATELY FOR DISRUPTING THE CLASS!_"

Riku raised his hand with caution. "Uh, sir?"

"**_WHAT?!_**"

"W-We didn't get a frog..." Riku soon found himself with a frog that Nefarious had ever so generously thrown at his face like a slightly squishy baseball. "... Thank you, sir."

"You all have fifteen minutes!" Nefarious roared. "That means you spend all of those fifteen minutes WORKING! If you have any questions, FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!"

"Or defer your inquiries to me," offered Lawrence. "I have the patience to aid others."

"Thank you, Lawrence. Now, as I said, you have fifteen minutes to work on this so NO BATHROOM BREAKS! If you throw up or die or go into cardiac arrest, TOUGH LUCK! If I hear a single phone buzz, _I WILL TAKE IT APART AND REBUILD IT INTO A NAMETAG THAT SAYS 'I SUCK' AND MAKE YOU WEAR IT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!_ You will not waste this time, you will not leave this room and you will NOT FAIL! I expect you to actually WORK! _So YOU! WILL! __**WOOOOOOOORRR—**_"

And then Nefarious stopped. His body completely froze. Most of the students raised at least one eyebrow as arcs of electricity ran along the surface of the robot's transparent green skull.

_"Oh, Janice!"_ cried a male voice from Nefarious' head that sounded like an exhausted jogger breathing out of a radio. _"This cannot possibly work between us… I am your father's brother's father's dog's cat's mouse's father's brother's father's vampire son! If our families were to find out about our love, I fear that we would not survive their fury…"_

_"Oh, Lance…"_ moaned a female voice that seemed to be just as out of breath as Lance's. _"I know that I am descended from the planets in the Icanobelivis system but surely there is a way for our love to win!_"

Riku blinked. "Hold on... is that the Lance and Janice show?" he asked, ignoring how Sora kept his face pressed against the workbench and his hands pressed to his ears.

"It is!" cried Selphie, happy for the first time since the class began. "I love this episode!"

Lawrence walked in front of Doctor Nefarious's face. "Well, the way, I see it, we have two options. I can unfreeze him with a sufficiently hard slap to the face... that will make my day just as much as it resumes his..." The butler then turned to the face the class. "Alternatively, you can all get out your notebooks and we can do a literary analysis of the show. Which would you prefer?"

"_Literary analysis!_" shouted every student at once.

Ever so slightly, Lawrence grinned. "As 'Doctor' Nefarious is currently out of commission, I will take it upon myself to teach the class in his place. Feel free to call me Mister Lawrence."

"Yay!" cheered the entire class except for Riku, who settled for just grinning.


End file.
